Jason Taylor

Something I read on Seth’s blog today caught me.

Does the life you live create a conversation? If you think about it, we are all selling something. It might not be a tangible product but people around us are watching our lives and making a determination about whether or not they want to “purchase” a life like ours. Do they want the same level of joy, hope, grace, peace, laughter, fun, connection? If yes, then they are “sold” on our life and might just want to make a purchase…meaning an opportunity to share where all that good stuff comes from.

Hmmm. What kind of conversation has my life been creating in people lately? What kind of conversation has YOUR life been creating in people lately?

PASS or FAIL?

What’s your normal go to response to difficult relationship situations?

Ever think about it?  Count to 10…hide…react…respond?  I’m sure if we think about it we all realize that in most situations we do have a default that is more often than not how we act or behave when faced with a frustrating person or situation.

I was challenged today by the thought that our first reaction should be to give them to the Lord.   Huh?  Give them to the Lord?    That’s certainly not the first thing that comes to my mind when I’m either hurt by someone or frustrated or simply unsure of how to get my point across in a debate.   But it makes sense.

Give them to the Lord.    What does this mean?  To me, it means that the solution is not mine to force.   The individual is not our responsibility, nor do we need to feel the responsibility to bring them over to the “right” side.   There is no side.    There’s certainly a balance with this so please don’t go crazy with this thought.

There are times when as a coach or a leader or an employee or a friend that I find myself frustrated in some way by another person’s behavior or actions.    That frustration is fundamentally my issue not theirs.    Give them to the Lord, love on em, care for em, and ultimately trust God with the outcome.

Simply said but hard to do.

What’s your go to response?

This is one of my favorite expressions.    We use it all the time in our business in Albuquerque and from time to time here at work.  It’s a pretty simple metaphor, when you watch children playing together they are able to live and create and imagine some of the most incredible stuff.   There’s a freedom and exuberance in their play that is refreshing.

In life, this gets more complicated but no less important a goal of interpersonal relationships.   Can’t we all play nice in the sandbox?

I’m reading through the book of Romans in the New Testament of the Bible right now.   For me, it’s one of the hardest books to read, it’s the most confusing in terms of content and causes me the most question and wrestling.   It’s just a very weighty book.  I’ve been pushing through and emerged in chapter 12 this morning with a small epiphany.   Paul is trying to get the early church to play nice in the sandbox. Even 2000 years ago, the church needed to hear that message.
Something in Paul’s message unfortunately isn’t sticky enough to actually change our behavior, actions and opinions.    It might be that it’s just a really complicated deep delivery, or that it’s argued using vernacular and examples that had more connection then.   There has got to be an analogy or a metaphor or a story, a way of explaining what it means to live with unity and oneness in Christ in a way that will actually change how we act?   Maybe it has to start with a sandbox.  What do you think?

If given the opportunity to talk to all the church leaders in America for 10 minutes, what would you put before them to get them to play nice in the sandbox?

By the way, just so you know, my worst injuries always came in the sandbox.   My middle brother bashed me on the head with a trowel and sent me to the hospital for stitches, so you do have to have people willing to play nice too.

This will be short.   I’ve been thinking of a few very simple, easy to implement communication tools.    These are NOT gadgets and widgets for your computer, they are however good ole’ fashioned skills that you teach your brain, your mouth and your ears.

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING

We all need to learn how to actively listen better.  It seems hokey and feels weird but once you get the hang of it, you really do see tremendous results immediately.   I for one, need to do this more and am working hard to practice this alongside NOT interrupting people.   A shout out to my coworker, David Makela, who does this extremely well.   Even though I think it’s hokey.

Here’s how it works in a simple but straightforward example.

Person 1 “I can’t decide if the brown shoes go with this outfit or if I should try the black ones.”

Person 2:  “So what I hear you saying is, that you’re just not quite sure which pair of shoes is going to go best with your outfit?   Did I hear you correct?”

Person 1: ” Yeah…actually, I’m not even sure that I like this outfit. ”

Person 2: “You’re not sure you like it?   What is it about it that you don’t like…?

See how simple that is…and it’s a great segue way into my second point:

ASK CLARIFYING QUESTIONS

Questions like: Why do you feel that way?  What is it about…?   What do you think?  Are there options I’m not seeing?  Etc… And if you ask clarifying questions, don’t forget to practice active listening right back!

SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD

I think GapingVoid is a great site.   Check out some of Hugh‘s other work.  This one says it all.   Communication is not about ME, it’s not about YOU, it’s about US.

What’s your GUIDEPOST on communication?